ramble ramble

this post just consists of me rambling. feel free to ignore!

my body picks a good to stop working and its usually during my most stressful high workload times. \o/

i've been spending the last few days updating my reading list and artists to follow. i think i'm at a point in my artistic career where i need to find my style. when i was in elementary school and high school i was pretty dead set on drawing anime. leaving high school, i wanted to focus more on realism and "concept art" style. now that i'm in animation i want to focus more of a cartoony style. i have no fucking idea what i want!

 my biggest problem is that i'm a bit of stylistic chameleon - i keep changing my focus and now i'm not particularly strong in any area. it's frustrating, because i know eventually when i get into the "real world", i'd get hired based on my voice as an artist. right now i'm just copying from life, doodling and drawing away, hoping that i'll eventually find what i like but nope, nothing. it's kind like this - say i want to draw a character, i draw it and hate it because so and so's style is way cooler than mine and i end up scrapping it. 

people keep saying "don't worry you'll find it eventually" but i feel creativity would come a lot easier to me if i had a somewhat defined way of approaching it. 

i know it's "do what you love" but it gets pretty frustrating when you love everything :/

afaik, i want to work in visual development. i love creating and storytelling, even if it isn't based off my own ideas or stories. whether its for animation, live action or video games.. that's kind of the problem i've been battling with for a while now.

i first realized it was problem when i needed to submit two of my art pieces for something to make sure that i was the artist. the email i got back basically said my style is so different from the two that i had to send them more. i basically just sent them my deviantart page. i'm doing a convention again this year and want to do commissions, but i realized fuck, i can't do commissions because i don't have an example of how i draw.

and that's my ramble. the end.